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The Adventure of a gurl name Leanna :D

my adventure of everyday .. the place i went .. the things i seen. and do .. just something that i want to share with everyone :)
 

vaiolated

i feel like i had been violated ...
i feel piss
i feel mad
i feel that my privacy had been violated
i feel that all my old junk had come out
i feel...............................................................
i wondering what had i done
what had i done wrong
keep on asking me why i flirt with other guys after meeting u up .....
u told me that i not ur type of gurl ..
u told me that between us there is no chance
u told me u don't believe me at all
u know how i feel ? how hurt i am ?
u hate me when I'm in irc ,,, u said that I'm cheep and many things
u don't like me to have guy friend
for all that i can accept it
for all that i had cried many many tears
i never ask about ur past
i never ask about ur friends
i never have doubt on u ..
u always had doubt on me and its keep on hunting u ....
i admit i did flirt with raja long time ago .. in sms
i knew raja long before knowing u ... we r just friend... and we never meant to be together. Not now nor never will be.
i never go out with him .. not even once.. only once i meet him for business with all my bos n colleague
i never went to miri before ..
the last time i went to labuan is on my convo day n that's so long ago ..and i stayed at my aunt house at Bukit Kuda the Kastam Housing.
but regardless what i said u will never believe me ..
no matter how truthful i am to u .. no mater what
I'm not defending myself .. I'm just tired
tired for being like this ..
i sayang u .. i want to built a future with u , i want to love u but I'm scared....
.. i become more and more scared day passes by.
fear that what if u hate me so much that you would just simple dump me
fear of my past , the things that i done and u would take it for a reason to hate me more.
u tell me to be honest with u and that is what i did ...
but then again you wont believe me ..
u doubts doubts doubts ... everyday doubts
these days i feel like I'm not suitable for u ... I'm not good enough for u ,I'm not smart enough for u ,I'm too dirty n cheep for u ..
i feel that way
i don't want to cry no more ...
i don't want to ask you to believe me ..i don't want to ask for ur trust ... its all up to you .. for u to judge and for u to figure it am i worth for you
what ever it is ... i just a gurl who wanted to be with u regardless for bad or for worst
just a gurl who wanted to share her life with u
but then again
I'm also a gurl who is badly hurt too .. not only u
sometimes i wonder to myself why am i so stupid to be hurt like this ...
sometime i wonder am i good enough for u
sometime i wonder am i doing the right thing
i told u before i am trying to be a better person day by day .. it's take time but I'm still learning and changing ..
I'm sorry i hurt ur feeling .. i never ment to
I'm sorry i done stupid mistake
i sorry for having guys friend
I'm sorry for having a lousy past
I'm sorry for everything
i don't want to argue with u or anything but i just feel i need so say it out it anyway ..
. i sayang u still .. very very much
regardless u want to hate me,mad at me or what ever it is
regardless u took me as your friend,ur enamy , someone you hate
just wanna tell u that i sayang u .. as a person ,as a man , as munish
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At November 2, 2008 at 1:08 AM, Blogger darthvadai said...

Well said... very revealing and very touching    



At November 2, 2008 at 1:36 AM, Blogger bubbleberry said...

yup    



At November 2, 2008 at 2:16 AM, Anonymous munish said...

leanna,

i've read ur pourings in this blog, i felt ur honesty towards how u felt about the whole situations.. about me,

i don't care about ur pass not at all... even though i think i should, but i guess everybody make mistakes n it's up to us to forgive n forget to earn n give better life to one another..

but then, how many times a person can forgive n forget till it all become so much pain n hatred... till my trust on u been violated by only u.. why so much dark secrets.. why so much lies... why hide? of course u never asked me about my pass only because i've told everything... i never hide a single thing,i have never gives u the reasons to have any doubts about me.. that much i appreciate this r'ship n value it so much.. i think u know me well...

but why must u hide so much... why u can't be honest w me... n why u must flirt w others n still have r'ship w em... am i not worth ur respect... or u don't even know how to appreciate my devotions towards u? or u know what all these means even? i do not know.

yes i don't like u to have guy friends n that is only because u'r too free... u'r easy to give out.. so where does u keep ur respect towards the r'ship u have n do u actually have sensitivity towards my commitment to u? yes i said u shouldn't be on irc that is because u have history there and i as a guy i have PRIDE wouldn't want u'r flings to be talkin to u.. why don't u understand i just want u to have new start with me? n definitely i want u to build a life for u n networking all the time not gonna gives u good life.. somehow i felt that this is our time to move n take a next step into life which is more than bf n gf.. thats why i made such rules...and even that u lied to me.. u were online all the while... whithin so many other account that i don't know about.. makin new aquintance n gives em' a chance to get u easyly... no matter u told em u have boyfriend but u declared that u like guys to em' n this only gives them chances to get into ur pants... why u don't understand this that a guy who knows u have dude.. n yet wants to meet u only because that they wanna get into ur pants... so how much considerations u have for the r'ship u'r in?

again, ur pass doesn't hunt me... only ur current does... its gives me more pain when u say "u love me" but i don't feel it.. it's easy to tell if sumone devoted to u.. and i feel u'r not...

it doesn't matter if u flirted w raja long ago before me or whatsover... but why u still does it when u'r w me? where is ur honesty and loyalty towards me? why would u treat someone who love n like u in this manner? how would u feel if i had done the same? how would u feel when i talk about all the bad things about u to some other girl? pls try to understand... u said u never in contacts w anyone anymore... but when u say u loves me... late night u still send the wrong msg to me..., when i ask u say it's business issue... why u made guy look so dumb? im not. not only once or twice... inmany times n many ways... u say u work everyday but still u goes out freely w ur easy friends n tells me something else... why u must hide... u can just be honest and im not a freak to lock u down from ur freedom.. but when u behave like this... any guy would have doubts on u. and leanna... when im speaking to u about all this.. u know i have my gun loaded... if not i would not talk till im sure.

u say u love me but i don't think u even took the time to consider how would i feel about certain things... u never get to know how to be my woman..

leanna.. if u say u love me... i would bleed for u just to show that i love u so much.. this are not just words...

the word "love" has certain values.. don't spell it blindly.. it would hurt so much... the word "love" is mutual respect, a total understanding, appreciations... n many more...

don't disgust it w the wrong heart.

if u say u love me... pls show me.. it must be honest n has devotions in it... otherwise.. pls don't waste ur own time. n pls do check ur package at the door.

and i think u must learn to make personal matters private too... all this pourings in here... just made us look like a fuckin clown.

with much love n concern,

munish.    



At November 2, 2008 at 2:22 AM, Anonymous munish. said...

if u think u have something to explain.. something honest.. something to declare, i would wait for ur call... but only call me when u really wants me.. just hope it's not too late for both of us.. good day.    



At November 2, 2008 at 6:02 PM, Blogger AngeL BeaR said...

*hugs* bear loves leanna lots. huhu~    



At November 3, 2008 at 6:37 AM, Blogger bubbleberry said...

thank you T_T    



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